WEBVTT 00:00:00.000 --> 00:00:16.480 This is Room in the Trees, a podcast about living a creative life. Room in the Trees is hosted by Sabrina Ward-Harrison and me, Trent Reynolds. 00:00:16.800 --> 00:00:24.000 Show notes including pictures, links, video, and more for every episode can be found at roominthetrees.com. 00:00:24.200 --> 00:00:32.920 If you like this podcast, please consider showing your support. You can become a subscribing patron at patreon.com forward slash room. 00:00:33.340 --> 00:00:37.320 And now here's this week's episode. How are you? 00:00:37.720 --> 00:01:31.900 Oh, I'm all right. Today is the last day. So I had two weeks of... of spring break. The first week, which was last week, was the same week that my kids had spring break. And then this week I've had, they've been in school, which is at home. But Laura was extremely generous in just letting me have this week to have the time as if I were working, but I'm still on spring break. So I just have time to... try the the idea was that i could focus on just what to do next so today's the last day of this week i've had to uh try to drill down drill down and decide or you know look into jobs or decide if that's you know if i'm 00:01:31.900 --> 00:01:39.940 going to try to do something else. So that's where I'm at. Like teach online? Yes! Yes! Come on! 00:01:41.040 --> 00:04:17.380 And that, well, see, here's the deal. Here's the deal. So at the beginning of this week, you know, or maybe it was late last week, as I was kind of getting geared up for what I was going to use this week to do this, this, you know, all this time, what I was going to use it to do, Laura and I were talking and I was going through all the things, right? Like, well, am I going to be spending my time looking for more teaching jobs online, like teaching jobs at traditional schools, whether it be college, junior college, community college, or high school/middle school, like private schools. Because that's what I've been doing for the past three years is the private school thing. And that's its own kind of community of educators and network of job finding and stuff like that. So where am I going to put my energy? Because if you're looking for teaching jobs and if you find one that you're interested in, it takes a lot of time. To put together all the materials and the cover letters and the resumes and answering the questions and logging in to various places and submitting whatever. So it really is like, you know, it's a huge time investment to make to do a serious search. And then oftentimes, like, you know, in the past couple of months, I've applied to five or six different jobs and never heard back from any of them. So you don't know if they just never got to your resume or if it was lost in the technology somehow. So there's just like I'm just going to put all this time and effort into it and then hope that something happens. But then Laura and I were talking about it, like, do you even want to do that? Because, you know, or do you want to spend this next week really planning out how to do the online thing? Yeah. Anyway, so I'm actually, I would love to hear maybe just... just what's been going on with your... Because I think, I don't know, I can talk more about kind of where my head space has been this past week, but I don't know, before I get too caught in that rabbit hole, I'd... like to hear kind of where you're at and what's been because it's been it sounds like it's been a pretty like you've seen some extremes this last week right yeah just emotionally mentally 00:04:17.380 --> 00:06:09.960 the headspace about just putting yourself out there and you know a couple weeks ago i was thinking you know i've been preparing all year to launch liberate again and it's it's all this preparing for it and people sort of saying, when, when is it doors opening? When's it going to open? And it was planned for March 31st, which couldn't have been a more awkward timing of this all happening and kind of right in the heat of it. And I thought, you know, I thought, I, I can't do this. I don't think it's a good time. And yet another part of me was thinking, well, and honestly, it's Mike, the coaching I get in my, in my coaching, that I'm a part of for what I'm doing, you know, saying, just show up and serve your people and be there because people right now need that more than ever. And who am I to really decide whether it is a good time or it's not a good time, you show up anyway. So I did and I felt vulnerable doing it and kind of like, but then, and then I got a little bit of pushback and so then the part of me wanted to just retreat and go forget it, never mind, you know, but it, you know, I just kept showing up and I'm glad I did. And I just pushed through that kind of fear of thinking, I don't know, just, just, just it's, it's hard to put, you know, it's hard. And it's also like, just do it for me. It was like, just get over yourself and just, you know, just show up strong and, uh, My coach Donna had said, she's like, hey, you're introverted, but get over it. She was like, you're a rock star. She's like, if you don't feel like it, you are, and just be that and do this and go forward. 00:06:10.980 --> 00:06:12.500 Yeah. Yeah. 00:06:12.500 --> 00:07:12.320 I did. And it was great. And I've just opened my arms to it. And I think I had a really interesting experience that happened on Sunday where that shifted something for me where a woman had offered through the coaching program I'm in, she's a shaman and she's like, "I would love to offer you a free session." You know, she said, "I can see you feel like really you're," I was pretty rattled last week, just thinking. you know, I guess the week before last didn't, that was actually just last Sunday. And anyway, I had the session with her and it just felt like it opened something and cleared something for me. And, uh, ever since Sunday, it was over the phone, but something shifted. It really did. And suddenly I just felt like there was, she said, I think you're, there's, a rebirth happening for you and there's a completion of something that needs to, needed to happen. And I know it sounds a lot of woo-woo, but I was up for it and something changed, I think, for me. So. 00:07:12.740 --> 00:07:26.320 Well, how would, how would you describe like what changed? Was the, was there a lifting of a burden you felt or a new opportunity that opened up or something? Is there a way that you would describe that shift? 00:07:26.440 --> 00:09:31.300 It felt like I was letting go of, she said your head is filled with a lot of noise of other people's noise, other people's stuff. She was a lot about it. It's like, it's not yours to care. It's not yours. It's not yours. And so you just say that. not mine. The shift was really about saying, you know, I'm ready for this new life moving forward with Sean and my future and shifting. I think if think me reading Spilling Open Cover to Cover a couple weeks ago through Instagram, that process was very healing for me because I really hadn't like there was a, there was a cut in a way when spilling open came out, like a, like cutting the umbilical cord or something, the book became the world. It became other people's and I never read it again. I read excerpts of it at book signings and things, but it was such a vulnerable thing. It's sort of like, whoa, okay, put that out there. Now I'm just going to turn away from it and really, really revisiting it all and remembering the feelings of it and just, I don't know. It just, there was something healing about that process and something was just able to be like kind of accepted and also let go. Because I know I've talked about this a little bit, but it continues to be something I'm very, it's a very odd thing is that I... And truly, like, because my books came out before social media, I didn't know all these people. I kind of had an idea people had them, but I didn't really know who. So through the past year and a half on Instagram, really, it's been this discovery of all these different people, women, who who've had spilling open in their life for a couple of decades. And it's, it's really hard to describe the feeling of it, but it's, it's something I'm, I'm finally kind of letting in. I'm letting it in. Like it's, it's beautiful. It's beautiful. And it's, 00:09:31.300 --> 00:09:57.880 Why do you think that previously you had turned away from it or not let it in? Why keep an arm's distance there? Did you fear opening yourself up to more vulnerability or was the vulnerability that you had already shown... perhaps overwhelming and you wanted to kind of keep that at arm's length? Yeah, I think so. 00:09:58.000 --> 00:11:10.160 I think so. And I think I just wasn't yet, I wasn't yet a woman, Trent. I feel like I'm an adult now, somewhat, a little bit. We're all adults. We're all like, yep, felt that, still feel it, right there with you. There's no, I feel like I'm kind of, we're all at that level. There's no like, generation above us or you know all my peers and all the other professionals in my life were all like at the same age so that's all to say that this experience of opening liberate so last year I thought okay well the people that came for liberate just these are like the only people who ever had my books and this to have this other new wave of 54 new wonderful people that spilling open had a big effect in their lives And there are these great, great women that I admire what they're doing in their lives. And it's just this really cool thing. So not that people that have to sign up have had that, have to have had any experience with Spilling Open, but it sure makes for a very interesting connecting point for everybody in the group. 00:11:10.700 --> 00:12:22.580 I thought about that, just thinking about this being your second time of, you know, offering Liberate that, man, that the first time must have had its own set of anxiety, its own set of like the unknown, you know, like, will anybody show up? Was anybody really wanting this and you putting all this effort into building this thing and they're just kind of releasing out hoping somebody shows up and wants it. But then the second time around, it was like this anxiety of, well, maybe those were the only people that were really, maybe that's it. And those were my diehard followers, and that's pretty much all that there is. But it's got, so there's got to be an anxiety there too, right? Yeah, definitely. I'm sure every time there will be anxiety as far as like people showing up, but how gratifying it must be to have this second launch go so successfully and realize that, you know, there is a continuing appetite for this out there. 00:12:22.820 --> 00:12:52.720 Yeah, and I think the feeling of, because of the books that have come out of it from last year, it's becoming, you know, the confidence for me more and more will be that it's result-driven. Like if people really want their book and really learn from me, Absolutely. They will learn and they will have their books will, their books will rock. So that feels good. And I was also able to give 16 scholarships away. So that was really great. 00:12:52.720 --> 00:12:53.720 Oh, fantastic. 00:12:53.720 --> 00:13:36.580 It was cool as far as the scholarships went was people, I had people share, you know, their, their situation they were in. and then what their book is they really felt they wanted to make, and what was the legacy they wanted to leave. And it was just the stories. It was fascinating what people's lives, and then the story, the books they want to create, and the legacy they want to leave. And just like, oh, I love just that window in. So as people came in, I already had a feeling of a sense of like, just more about them. And surprisingly, there's four people that are from different parts of Germany, and I've never known anyone in Germany, and there's... neat different just kind of a cool global Australia that is the coolest 00:13:36.580 --> 00:14:16.180 thing about the internet is which just opens you up to the whole world and that is just it blows my mind how cool that is well and it is like just looking back at some of the images and I obviously have not seen nearly what is out there you know in terms of what's been produced in liberate but the little I have seen the results are obvious, right? Like there are some fantastic things being made and, and yeah, so, and that's never the demand for that. And the appetite for that is, I think, like you said, the results speak for themselves and that's never going to go away. Yeah. How cool. It feels cool. 00:14:16.180 --> 00:14:45.040 And it just feels cool to have the energy of other people to be thinking about and focused on and their path and getting excited about watching them, watching it all unfold and just good people you know and I cried three times on the call yesterday on the first they're like people really appreciate it but you know it's just I was like well there's here's me it's just passionate That's how I roll. 00:14:45.140 --> 00:15:19.360 So I'm curious, is there... So going through the process of rereading Spilling Open and then launching Liberate and seeing that kind of the genesis of where it began and then... all the way through to this point where it's other people are responding and generating their own books. Like, did it teach you, what else did it teach you about yourself and about what that book meant to you or about making, what making books means to you? Does that? 00:15:19.540 --> 00:16:37.220 Yep. This is what really stood out to me. And I was telling my students this yesterday, how, um, a book is so different than a piece of fine art because it's a sequencing it's an experience of as a whole it's not like you're not judging a book by just this one spread like if one spread is better than another spread it's no it's less than you know not as effective as one another page you're not judging it that way just the way a person just because they have maybe a little bit of a weird ear or something. You're not, it's a totality of the person. It's a totality of the whole experience of a book. So what I was found was as I was going through it, I was remembering pages thinking in the thought processes of making each of the spreads. I can connect to thinking either this was a good spread, this was a bad spread, this one was more resolved, this one I want to do again but didn't have time, this one is too mucky, it doesn't have balance, I should have but the importance of all that was in there. That is something I was trying to express. Like people can get caught in that perfectionism of making each single thing have to be perfect, but it's not so, you have getting that ego part out of the process with the book. too because sometimes it's just about getting the words down. 00:16:39.780 --> 00:17:25.120 And some of the most important words in spilling open is important the ones that people maybe resonate the most with are on pages that I've not I don't quote unquote feel as proud of or think are as effective at all. So I think, well, I almost didn't put that in, just like I almost didn't make the book. A very 99.9% of me was like, I can't do this. And I'm like, there's no way. There's no way. I don't know how. I don't know how this could ever be published. I don't know how... they're going to ever accept what I'm making. I mean, just so many parts just thought, no, I'm not going to do it. So that part that has to say, just do it anyway. 00:17:26.120 --> 00:17:27.560 Just do it anyway. 00:17:27.800 --> 00:17:28.820 Do it anyway, man. 00:17:29.220 --> 00:17:37.200 One of the things this week that I've been struggling with is, you know, so much of my... 00:17:54.600 --> 00:18:17.760 I don't have a book that I've written and a following of people that, you know, have that as a point of reference or, or kind of a foundation to build on. I don't really have any foundation, you know, these are my devils, right? It's like, I have experience. I have knowledge that I'm confident, you know, 00:18:18.180 --> 00:18:32.400 Trent, you have this podcast. Yeah. You have like eight, how many, how many downloads we get a month? 8,000. You only need like 50 people to start or 25 people to start. I know I'm just, just being devil's advocate here. 00:18:32.700 --> 00:18:37.580 Yeah. No, I need a devil's advocate. I just am really. 00:18:38.340 --> 00:18:38.880 I know. 00:18:39.120 --> 00:19:43.860 I don't know. Just over the past three years, especially. It's just kind of beating me down to the point where. I don't know, the when it's like the not doing is more painful than the doing, you know, like we have talked about so often before. And I have come, you know, I feel like I've come to some pretty strong resolutions that I've come to in the past. That's why I guess there's a little bit of self-doubt there that I don't want to be a high school art teacher. I don't want to get back into the mess of being adjunct at a college or community college. And I don't want to lose my studio. So I need a job and I need an income. And I don't know what else I can do other than make and teach art and I don't know if there's anything else that I really want to do than make and teach art. 00:19:44.660 --> 00:19:45.160 Yeah. 00:19:45.240 --> 00:20:48.120 There is such a big gaping hole between... I don't know. You know what I mean? Mentally. Mentally. It's all mental. Mentally. Yeah, that's the thing. And this is why I've so much appreciated being able to kind of be so close to your progress and your story because... And just being able to see that evolution take place and see you bridging that gap has been a huge confidence builder. But no matter how successfully you are at it, there's always going to be that huge gap that's my own, that is filled with all that self-doubt and devil talk. of, well, that works for Sabrina because she has this and this and this, but I don't have those things, so how are you going to make it work? 00:20:48.500 --> 00:21:12.500 Well, most people don't, and most people in... You have a skill. You can teach art. You can teach design. You have the skill. You have... the charisma, you got the looks, you got the knowledge, you got the space to teach it in, you got the support, you've got a frigging podcast. 00:21:13.540 --> 00:21:14.040 Yeah. 00:21:14.660 --> 00:21:52.420 Oh, goodness. I hear it. I hear it. You know, it's like... So long ago when I was, this, this is all bringing up a very specific feeling for me. And when I was, I must've been like 11, 11 or 12 at Lake Powell with a group of Boy Scouts. And we used to go out on the motorboats finding tall cliffs to jump off of into the, into the lake. And the first time I went out for my first experience was, Found this like 20 foot high cliff, not very high, you know, maybe a little bit higher than a high dive, you know. 00:21:54.800 --> 00:23:49.680 And everybody jumped off it, had a great time. And I was up there on the top of this cliff and they were all waiting for me to jump. I was the last person and I could not... do it. And, and I, but I couldn't, I couldn't crawl down like the way we, we got up on top of the cliff, made it so it was impossible to get back down other than to jump off. Anyway, that's, that's kind of where I feel I'm at right now is that is like, dude, I cannot jump. I can't do it. I can't do this. And that's what I've spent all week doing is like, I just can't do it, you know? And, and, um, but the other part is that you can't not do it. Yeah, that's the thing. And I cannot crawl back down this mountain. The only way forward is to jump off this cliff. Oh, gosh. I don't know what to do. And I just see... And I remember that moment sitting up there on top of that cliff looking down. And there's like five boats full of these older Boy Scouts that I had. And they're all like, Oh, come on, man. It's not hard. You're going to love it. And... feeling that like expectation and feeling stupid because everybody else did it and they're fine they had a good time like why can't i just do this you know oh yeah and then i finally jumped off and it was fantastic and ever since i've you know i've loved cliff jumping at lake powell you know right It's one of my favorite things. So, and I knew I'd love it. I just, you know, in that moment, like the paralysis of that fear just was too overwhelming. So that's kind of, that's where my week has been. 00:23:50.260 --> 00:23:54.480 Yeah. Let's wrap up with something about, I want to talk about scrap paper. Let's do it. 00:23:55.600 --> 00:23:56.280 Scrap paper. 00:23:56.640 --> 00:23:58.160 I like working with scrap paper. 00:23:58.860 --> 00:23:59.360 Yeah. 00:23:58.900 --> 00:24:03.180 what's the origin do you think from paper to then becoming scrap paper? 00:24:04.580 --> 00:24:09.220 What's the, what's the life, the life journey story. 00:24:09.600 --> 00:24:15.860 Yeah. When does something turn yet? When does something turn? Where's the, where's the threshold that paper begins from paper to scrap paper? 00:24:16.500 --> 00:24:35.120 Um, I, I imagine when it has, uh, been put to its intended use. So somebody buys a piece of paper for a specific use. They either use it or they don't use it or forget about it and it gets put on a shelf. And so it's moment has passed. 00:24:35.520 --> 00:24:40.300 Yeah. It's a rejected piece of something was cut and it's a leftover paper and 00:24:40.300 --> 00:24:50.640 Or a piece of green, let's say for example, lime, lime green that you can't stand using. 00:24:50.640 --> 00:25:10.040 Yeah. Or you've spilled something on or you spilled, you wrote something on that you misspelled something on it. I like having things happen to paper so that then they become more scrap paper and they feel more inviting to use. 00:25:11.340 --> 00:25:31.660 Will you force a piece of paper into scrap hood? Will you use... Is that kind of what you're saying, though, is like you like you'll intentionally misuse a piece of paper so that it becomes more usable to you as a piece of scrap paper? 00:25:32.120 --> 00:27:31.300 Sometimes, like for now, I'm thinking I'm putting down a big piece of watercolor paper on my desk that I'm going to have as a base thing so that anything that spills or drips will get onto it. Like, it will be a catch-all because I just, so I don't, I won't start into something that's a big piece of watercolor paper, but I know that if I start with a surface that's as solid as watercolor paper, that whatever happens on top of it by accident will be able to hold that. so then it'll become something. But, for example, I'm doing this demo, and usually I use a big roll of white sketch paper that's nothing that's fancy, but just a big roll of white paper, and there's a, you know, because of delays with everything and shipping, it's going to be too late, so I'm deciding to do a demo I'm filming tonight where I'm just, ultimately I realize, A, I'd rather use newsprint for this demo because... newsprint is so nice to collage with because it's so thin and it just dries really flat and i don't have a roll of newsprint but i think it would be cool to even masking tape a bunch of newsprint together and like i just i just love the fact that it because of because i don't have this i don't know i like setting myself up for having to use a random way to do it That's not the correct sentence. That's not correct grammar. But something cool, like now I'm excited to do this demo because I'm like, oh yeah, I'm going to tape a bunch of, and it won't be taped very well. And I'll tape it on the back and then turn it over. And I mean, just hilarious trying to film myself from above doing this. Yeah, so my theme is scrap paper. I want to ask the designer, David Carson, to see if he would have a conversation with me about scrap paper because he was the most influential designer in my life. 00:27:31.300 --> 00:27:32.800 David Carson? 00:27:33.080 --> 00:27:34.260 David Carson, yep. 00:27:34.880 --> 00:27:36.440 So scrap paper. Yeah. 00:27:37.540 --> 00:27:54.800 Big fan of it because it's another thing I know is going through spilling open, there's no very little brand new white paper. If there's brand new white paper, it's because I was mounting something else on it just to have a firmer background. But it's all random scrap paper. 00:27:54.800 --> 00:28:53.400 It's interesting to me, like, I've noticed this before in the studio, like all the brand new piece of watercolor paper, you know, just a sheet 22 by 30 or whatever, sitting on the table and it, it is hard to get started on that piece of paper, but a piece of paper right next to it, that is the exact same paper, but it was a scrap from. you know, something that I had cut out. So it's got maybe just a little shape in it, you know, that little, that little imperfection invites me to, to respond, you know, it's just like, Oh, I kind of, that, that looks like something like this or it evokes some kind of response that makes it more inviting or, you know, I don't know, engageable than just a big blank piece of paper. So I totally get, I totally get the idea of, like scrap paper, being more just inviting you to do something. 00:28:53.580 --> 00:28:56.380 Yep. That's what I'm about. 00:28:57.040 --> 00:29:28.100 With these paintings that I've been doing with resin and wood and lasers, I've generated a lot of cast-off little bits and pieces from where I cut stuff out of the wood or cut stuff out of the resin. And they're just these little weird shapes and colors, you know, just all the negative space of the places that I've cut out. And I totally get a kick out of just picking them up and looking at them and rearranging them next to each other and... 00:29:28.100 --> 00:29:28.820 I don't know. 00:29:29.320 --> 00:29:44.740 That's where I always feel there's alchemy in making that way because it's like to get the piece that solves this other piece is only by way of working on this other piece that you needed to then cut the thing out and that piece became the answer to the other thing. It's like, oh, this is so cool. 00:29:45.060 --> 00:29:45.560 Yeah. 00:29:45.500 --> 00:29:50.280 If you just press the flow like that, the solution shows itself. 00:29:50.280 --> 00:30:03.160 And the mistakes, you know, or the things that were the byproduct all of a sudden become more interesting or more essential than the product, you know, the thing that you were originally trying to accomplish. Like that has happened so many times. I love that. 00:30:03.960 --> 00:30:12.720 It's so important to try to instill that for your students to get that moment of like, oh, that's what I love seeing happen. 00:30:13.120 --> 00:30:13.620 Yeah. 00:30:38.200 --> 00:30:41.240 Yeah, that's real. It's real. Yep. 00:30:42.060 --> 00:31:01.780 All right. Well, I think we can wrap up there. I feel like you have had what congratulations on a fantastic, fantastic week. It has been a roller coaster, I know. But, man, what a way to end it. And I'm sure you're exhausted and ready to just unplug for a while. Yeah. 00:31:02.020 --> 00:31:03.660 Yeah. Yeah. Well done. 00:31:03.980 --> 00:31:09.100 Thank you very much, Trent. And I'm proud of you to get on it with this stuff. You're going to do it. 00:31:09.540 --> 00:31:12.300 Yeah, much love to you and Sean. Hope everything's going well. 00:31:12.760 --> 00:31:24.380 He had to drive to Texas to help his sister. So it's a long, grueling drive. So I don't think he's there yet, but he's on his way. 17 hour drive 00:31:24.380 --> 00:31:26.740 is he motorcycling or is he 00:31:26.740 --> 00:31:34.840 no no he's taking his truck he's helping them do some pavement stuff and help with the staircase and so going down to help them 00:31:34.840 --> 00:31:37.600 and bless him that sounds like 00:31:37.600 --> 00:31:39.360 being a good brother 00:31:39.360 --> 00:31:42.160 being a good brother yeah 00:31:42.160 --> 00:31:50.120 okay you got this you got this okay 00:31:50.120 --> 00:31:51.000 okay 00:31:51.000 --> 00:31:53.800 Thanks for listening. We'll be back next week. 00:31:53.800 --> 00:32:02.740 Please help us grow our audience by rating us or writing a review on iTunes. To do that, you can use the link roominthetrees.com forward slash iTunes. 00:32:03.160 --> 00:32:08.860 You can follow us on Instagram at Sabrina Ward Harrison and at Trent Reynolds Art. 00:32:09.200 --> 00:32:15.000 And check out the show notes at roominthetrees.com where you can also get in touch if you have any ideas you'd like to share. 00:32:15.280 --> 00:32:18.940 Rate us on iTunes and share Room in the Trees with a friend. 00:32:19.340 --> 00:32:20.180 With a friend. 00:32:20.380 --> 00:32:26.640 With a friend. ♪